Thursday, June 28, 2007

Why haven't i realized this earlier?

Kumusta po kayo?

Thanks po sa lahat na nag cmment sa mga nakaraang posts. Mas nararamdaman ko po na I am really blogging dahil sa interaction between you and sa mga posts ko and it really feels good.

You know, i slept late last night or i mean, just this morning at 2:00am. I was bothered with random thoughts that kept on bungling my mind and just made me twist and turn my up, side and down on my bed. There was the PBB fever where Wendy Valdez seemed to have this aura that pushed me to publish 3 posts about her in my friendster blog in just 2 days. The childhood memories and adolescent embarassing moments also went back to my poor self-esteem ditch. Also my father, who's history already. But there was this thought that popped up in my shell that really dimmed my eyes with tears.

For several times in my 20 years of living in this planet (il be 21 by October 1) i can still recall many unpleasant moments with my mom (well it's after the death of my pap). I mean, we had lots of arguments on principles, ideas, plans, some important, some baloney - mostly happened when I was still in college when we were talking about programs for the students (she's the student affairs head and I was a president of one organization). I often raised my voice in our quarrels as if I was right, often used biting remarks as if I was correct, used God damn it gestures as if I was superior and i know it all. But i witnessed, personally, that almost everything (if not completely) which she told me were all true, were all the right choices, were all the right verdicts.

I admit, it was just this morning when i realized that i have been so egotistic and self-centered, selfish to be exact and I never ever thought of my mother's part. What does she feel when I did that? How does she cope up with me being so stubborn? Where and from whom does she get her strength back mulling over the fact that father died and she's a single parent? I think i should be cursed! I know that being a single parent is freaking difficult and I am still doing it! Damn you Quincy!

Anyway, i know it doesn't end here. I still got a lot of chances because I believe my God is a God full of second chances.

Now, i'm just left with a question, why haven't i realized this earlier?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

aww.. lungkot naman..
about ur question sir quincy..

it's god's plan po.. you being stubborn is a part of the prospectus as well as realizing it "not-so-late" ..

repent and ask for apology..
that's the good thing to do..
also, make up for the lost time.. :)

God Bless!

Anonymous said...

you shouldn't burden yourself on asking why just now...instead, be thankful that finally you've understood it and you have more time to make up for it. things happen for a reason like what they always say. so, now that you know you're mistake, you can still fix it.

cya nga pala... october 1 ka? ako october 4... hehehhee... :P

ice9web said...

part of life lang po un naramdaman mo and better late than never realize what you have done at all...

just remember we are all humans that make mistakes so it is for us to also realize them if not soon at least better late than "never" na talaga diba?

you can still "make up for the lost times" pa naman. so do your best!