A recollection of success and a simple celebration

The four (4) months of staying in Mindanao was a priceless and precious experience. Swerving through the roads of the ‘promise land’ passing through bridges over deep wide rivers, unwinding in the beaches of Surigao, mingling with people from different sorts of life, laughing out loud with our friends from the Muslim community, hotel hopping and masticating luxurious food for free – these were things I never thought I could plunge into!

But there was one event that really overwhelmed me while I was there forcing my body to move out every morning to battle short-time sleep.

Third week of September 2007, a week before my birthday. Davao-bound from Ozamiz City, Misamis Occidental, we dropped by Harbor Lights Hotel, Cagayan de Oro City to stay for the night. The next morning, while having a meeting with my boss regarding our liquidation during our past activity, my mother called up from home, in front of the computer, she was checking the licensure examination for teachers list of successful examinees at Inquirer.net - she reported I passed.

I was speechless for a while, thank God and told my boss about it and there she started sharing the news to our fellow workers in the dining hall!

Felicitations filled and I was overwhelmed. God is awesome.

My officemates were suggesting a celebration. Too unfortunate, we didn’t have much time.

We went to Kidapawan City, North Cotabato the following week and stopped at a pick and grill restaurant serving my favorite deep fried ‘hito’ (too bad, I can’t find it here in Negros Occidental). There was an acoustic band playing for the customers from table to table and later they played for a group of young people next to us. Surprisingly, two among them sang in lieu of the band’s soloist.

I was already munching the 'hito' then while I overheard how they sang the songs! It was pretty relaxing and cool. I’m a lover of music and I can’t help but glance at them once in a while, trying hard to listen more. I can’t help it. I wanted them to sing more songs.

Alright! I was so mean! But I just love them sing more songs!

Later did I know that the Implementation Coordinator of the Project from Kidapawan City knows the two girls and so I asked her if she can request them to sing for us. My boss related that I passed the Board Exam and it will be my birthday few days from then.

What looked like our supper became a little celebration. They agreed immediately and invited the band to accompany them and there, all the eyes on us. (Please bear with the amateur cell phone video.):

part 1

part 2

part 3


I was impressed. Not only with how they sang but with how they accepted a little request and gave an enjoying part in my simple celebration, my simple thanksgiving for the goodness of the Lord during those days. Too bad, I didn't get their names and email addresses. (Toink!) I still wish to meet them sometimes - while eating 'hito' again.

Those were two of the awesome birthday gifts I have ever received. Unwrapped and no ribbons – but deeply prized and will stay with me for the rest of my life.

He carried it

It has been more than 4 months since my last post. Because my job in Mindanao is a wrapping up assignment of the JFPR project which started in 2003, it was too busy that it didn’t give me a chance to create posts. Tita (she doesn’t want me to call her boss because we are in a development project) and I worked even in Saturdays and Sunday afternoons.

September 8 – I stepped out the plane at Davao Int'l Airport asking my self “what am I doing here?” The project didn’t give me proper orientation and briefing on what the nature of the job is, who’s who and what’s what. I didn’t know the facts behind the project at all. I was a blank sheet. It seemed driving in an unlighted highway in the night without headlight. I got no local vertical – no direction.

I only got acquainted with the project during the first workshop at Harbor Lights Hotel in Cagayan de Oro City. There, by God’s grace, I was given light of what I was doing there.

There have been vast challenges, struggles, boredom and tears along the way.

1. The job is multi-tasking. You got to print documents while sleeping and communicate with coordinators while eating. During workshops and writeshops, you need to take the minutes and encode while facilitating the LCD projector and while taking pictures. Finish your documentation while downloading reports sent to your email.

It was exactly rendering technical assistance ‘no matter what’.

2. We didn’t have to miss a week for a consultation and writeshop to eight (8) LGU sites since we were given short time to finish the needed requirements. We were only having land trips using the office’s service vehicles and travel goes through several hours. Though, I love to travel, you can’t deny you’d go weary upon arrival. But you can’t just relax in the hotel since you can’t neglect the preparations for tomorrow’s events. So you’d really stay up late with toothpicks on your eyes.

3. It was my first time in the job and there are still a bunch of things I really do not know about it. Well, yeah, it naturally happens with a novice and I now know how it feels.

For a couple of times, I experienced Tita’s reprimands and scolds. There was early one morning thinking it was a good day, while I was enjoying the music from the laptop, when I was eating a delicious food. It was as if one sack of rice dumped over me and shoulders sulked.

Negative thoughts came into my nutshell but I didn’t give up. I just listened and later knew she was right. All her words were. She knew.

4. It’s Mindanao so we were traveling from place to place, passing through Muslim communities and areas, in the midst of the battle against the 2 opposing groups. We were traveling in the face of terrorism.

If you heard about Kidapawan City bombing just this November, 2007, we were shopping in that mall 2 days before the main gate was bombed. And before we went to Cotabato City, a carenderia was bombed.

God spared us.

5. Hitting two birds with one stone was not a joke. I engaged in graphic designing sideline for a company via email so I got to budget my time between my work as technical assistant and as an amateur graphic designer. It was hard, but it was all worth it. I have adjusted and now I am enjoying it.

It was tough as I recollect.

But evidently, God was there standing beside us, walking behind us and leading us.

I surpassed my first set of challenges in my first ever professional engagement – and HE was there.

God carried it.

Textmate

The advent of text messaging here in the Philippines definitely had an enormous impact on my personal life.

I was really engrossed to text messaging and had several textmates in a row back in high school. Bad thing is, I didn't have my own phone that time and I was only borrowing from Nanay. Obviously, I was often scolded when she discovers i used more than 50 pesos of her load for petty conversations with anybody anonymous. That was really stupid!

Not until year 2000 when somebody introduced me to a girl who is from the Panay Island. Her personality reflected on the way she replies, on what messages she shares, on how she gives advices, on how she explains things in the Biblical perspective and how she gives reminders. Yes, through that I knew who she is. She's God-fearing. Smart. Diligent. Prayerful. Optimistic. Loving. Thoughtful. You name it!

She was worth every peso and every minute I spend with her through text until I already had my own phone. She has been there sharing her insights on life, love, optimism and Christ-centeredness. She taught me priceless lessons - though I am a year older than her. Gradually, she helped me unfold the realities in my life. She inspired me to pray even more stronger and more often and she encouraged me for several times whenever I'm down. She silently made me recognize my immaturity. We shared laughs, we shared sadness, we shared prayers.

Everything was through text.

But God was so wise to provide us a way to meet. And I was able to know her even better, meet her friends, meet her classmates, meet the church where she's part of and also meet her family.

As I reminisce, I can't imagine those times that I was able to attend my 'textmate's' graduation day in high school where she graduated Valedictorian of her class with other cool academic awards. I also attended her thanksgiving party Sunday after her grad day. I also attended her debut and all I can say was 'awesome'.

Imagine I was across a vast sea but still managed to attend few of the most important events in my 'textmate's' life. Do you think I'm in love? Yes, I am. But waiting must still be the game.

Now we are texting for nearly 6 years.

Turn off the 'textmateship'. We're good friends now and if you would ask me who among my friends who had a great impact on my life? She's one of them. (Here's another one.)

When God molds and opens opportunities

When I graduated March 25, 2007, I didn't have anything in mind but to review for the Licensure Examination for Teachers. I thought, I can better start with any job that comes along the way if I'm already a professional license carrier. There's a greater chance of getting hired to any institution, higher compensation and greater opportunities for promotion, privileges and other advantages.

But that plan was twisted when God showered me with good breaks. I already had my application form that time and the only thing left to do is to pay for the 2-month weekends review in my Alma Mater when Kuya Aldwin sent me an e-mail telling me to be his partner for supervising an adolescent reproductive health research project in Region VI. He told me about the benefits and the advantages of indulging in this activity and the things I needed to do. Besides, it's research and it means new learning, new experiences, new adventure -and that's priceless.

So, I kept my application form and prepared for the activity.

Leaving for Iloilo, I left my application letter and credentials at our Municipal Trial Court in Cities. I was applying as an office clerk. Yes, just an office clerk. But mulling over the fact that it is a national office, funded by the Supreme Court, there are fringe benefits.

It was an opportunity God opened through a mentor who has been there for me ever since we knew each other in college. That was my very first job application and I didn't imagine myself having endorsements from the President of my school, from a retired Chief Parole and Probation officer III and the President of the Philippines.

Still, those were through the unselfish efforts of one dynamic mentor - well not just in academics but also in politics, life and love. I owe her a lot.

Unfortunately, the Supreme Court didn't declare the position vacant yet so my application in the office is chilled for a while.

Later, it was already August 3, 2007 - Friday - my grandmother died and I was a 90-kilometer trip away from home, still on research. I didn't have any other option but to pursue the researchers to do everything by themselves and to just update me for problems and questions. I badly needed to go home.

God was great! He moved the heart and hands of the researchers and everything went cool.

About grandma's death, though its a sad time for our family, we saw it as another opportunity. An opportunity to help other loved ones and the community around us to see the true meaning of life. Help them know the God of provision and promotion and help them change their outlook on death.

Now, it's 2 weeks after the funeral. No doubt, everything changed here at home after the burial of my grandma. But, she left us with a business. Because of how we "celebrated" her promotion to a better place of setting up a tarp wrapped with photos of blissful memories with her family, using balloons and ribbons and of making a colorful program prints filled with songs and laughter, people came and proposed transactions!

Now we have partners from few institutions for designs, lay-outs and prints. God's so cool isn't it?

While we were yet starting with this graphic designing business and while looking forward for the board exam, my cousin from Laguna, who is a Pastor's wife, called me up one morning and told me about another research project. Now its focused on the socioeconomic and psychosocial status of market vendors below poverty line in Mindanao. My function is to facilitate the workshops and document the proceedings, and make a report. This will start sometime in September.

This is a complimentary project under the Mindanao Basic Urban Services Sector Project (MBUSSP) of DILG with Asian Development Bank as its donor. Considering the job, I can already help my mother and my brother spend for the education of my my younger brother in the Technological University of the Philippines - Visayas taking up Electronics and Communications Engineering and my younger sister who is a special science class high school student.

What do I do now? Shall I hit 2 birds with one stone? Or shall I say 3 birds. By October we will have a Adolescent Reproductive Health Advocacy National Convention in Cebu City for another set of projects for the coming year.

Indeed, When God opens opportunities, you'd go dizzy choosing where to land and I will always be thankful to God and for how He molded me in the 16 years of formal education through the utmost support, love and sacrifice of my parents and of the inspiration of friends, relatives and church family. Worth were all the sacrifices in college. I graduated with honors and it brought me to being an awardee as an outstanding youth of our city (April 13, 2007) apart from my extra-curricular activities and services. My mother was also awarded as outstanding mother of the city. Thanks to the Kababaihang Rizalista Incorporada Kapisanang Pandaigdig, Inc. for such an award. It was then my first chance to be published on Visayan Daily Star. -lol-

Now, the only requirement for me to discern what to choose and what to pursue is through praying for wisdom - practical discernment. As James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

And with all these, I praise the name of the Lord, express my deepest gratitude to my late father and my ever-protective mother and I humble myself.

On photos: [just click on it for a better view] Top The author receiving his diploma.
Bottommost (left to right) Eddie Yap (grandfather), Marisses Tampo (mother), Noel Yap (uncle), the author

My outlook on Death and a Tribute for Lola

Death for our Christian family is a celebration - a celebration of life in eternity - and not mourning.

Well, yes, there were always be tears human as we are who were beautifully created with emotions. But we believe, God sees the meaning of each tear that we shed. Deep in it are the joys and thankfulness that once again another member of our family has been promoted to live in eternity face to face with the Lord in a place where there is no sadness, no pain, no grief, no violence, no selfishness but all pure sharing, happiness and love.

As tribute for my Lola who sacrificed a lot for her children and for all her grandchildren and great grandchildren, I made this photo montage with a colorful background signifying our assurance and bliss that Lola is now enjoying the most beautiful place with her long lost loved ones. I printed this in 7 by 3 feet tarpaulin and posted it in one of our walls here at home (Can't provide some pictures of the events here for now because I didn't have available cam. I'll still wait for my cousin to mail the pictures since he's already in Laguna now. I'll let you see the interment , which happened yesterday, 081107, and other photos then.)

To make a change in our culture's way of making programs for burial services, my family and I conceptualized the prints to make it more jovial, make it more colorful and more uplifting to make our guests and visitors change their outlook about death. We filled it with songs of praises and comfort on solos from my cousins, group singing of my uncles and aunties and choirs of the whole family. Partly musical, partly hilarious, partly sad.

It's printed in a 2.5 by 6 inches paper layout. The first page is on parchment with the "an appointment with the Lord" text, second page (the program) on specialty board and scented with my Lola's Avon powder and the last page (thank you note) is on specialty paper and tied it with a purple ribbon so it would look like a bookmark.

(Just click on the images for a better look.)

Yes, through that we can change the people's outlook on death. Apparently, most homo sapiens are scared of talking about that event but hey, it will come. No advancement in technology and medicine can ever avoid the cold touch of death.

My grandmother, who is a missionary and Lola's in-law, always reiterates the fact that most percentage of our life is waiting. We wait until we grow up, wait until you can finish your studies, wait until you find somebody to love and then to get married. You wait until your first, second, third and last child, wait until they grow up and you to grow older. And suddenly, wait until somebody will gonna wipe your own ass and wait until death.

That gives me the reason to enjoy the process while I am young. Knowing that we can't bring our diplomas, certificates and awards in heaven, I enjoy the process through wrapping my life with interaction and affection. This is because there is only one thing that you can bring up with you - your character.

-sigh- I'll miss Lola as how I miss my father.

Who says religion can't be funny?

See you in the morning Lola

-whew-

Finally! I'm done with the do-this-survey-or-i'll-damn-you thing during the past week. It has been a "calvary" and a "pressure cooker" activity that I got to exhaust every minute and every second when I was there in the field.

I mean, it wasn't my project coordinator who was pressuring me or the whole research team but it was just the thought that I don't want to compromise my accepted activity and my accepted tasks and responsibilities.

By the way, how's everyone? I really want to thank you for visiting me by and by. The sparing of your time to click on my blog is really lifting my spirit. I didn't imagine my blog to deserve visits and comments like what I've received even though I wasn't here for several days. So, thank you thank you and thank you to those who visited, commented, left a word, gave updates on their blogs, gave suggestions, left farts and flooded my shoutbox. ;) j/k

Friday, August 3, 2007

Upon arriving home with great hopes that I can give my grandmother (the one I'm nursing at home) a good smile because I'm carrying her requested 'biscocho' from the Iloilo's Biscocho House, I was stunned with this site in our sala.

My grandmother died early morning that Friday and pandemonium sulked in my heart.

I've been praying to God to extend my grandma's life so I can still have the opportunity to bring back what she has sacrificed for us since the time we (my siblings and I) were born. Her sacrifices on taking good care of our baby lives years back, the sacrifice of waking up early each morning to cook our breakfast when we were schooling, her sacrifices when we were sick, her sacrifices when we wanted some snacks, her sacrifices to give us joy, compassion and love.

I will miss every moment I spent with lola. I will miss her smile, her laughs, her talks about her experiences, her talks about her travels and jaunts when she was young, I will miss the times when she was stealing some time to clean up my scalp with ticks and louses.

Anyway, I believe she has already the greatest joy up there in heaven with the Lord cooking for her friends and family with her golden cooking utensils and titanium wares. Serving food with her diamond plates and cups. Offering her delicious menus with sincerity, thoughtfulness and love.

I will miss you lola. I love you so much. See you in the morning.

A tribute to friends before graduation

I wrote this before I graduated from college. This is a tribute to my batch as we left the portals of our alma mater even though things between us didn't seem to rhyme 2 weeks before the graduation.

Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema
Minsan mahihirapan ka at masasabing “di ko makakaya”

It is November 22, 2027 and it will be my Alma Mater’s 60th Founding Anniversary.

I am waiting for my flight home to the Philippines from Krabi City, South Thailand. I will be attending our Alumni Homecoming.

It was a connecting flight from Thailand to Hongkong to the Philippines.

I was naïve and was not really engrossed to going out of the country. But there I am teaching the kids in Prakhun Language School, a school established by a Filipino Pastor to teach English while integrating the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am sitting inside the boarding lounge while surfing the World Wide Web in my laptop computer set up with Macintosh operating system and with a wireless internet connection. I am checking on LCCC’s website. Later did I know that the website is built thru the efforts of Albert Carbajusa, now a Radio Productions Supervisor of 101.5 FM Bacolod. He was once addicted to going on internet cafés when I taught him how. The website is linked with abs-cbninteractive.com and is having sponsors from different prestigious companies. I now remember that Albert is a very good solicitor during our college years. Amazingly, the proceeds go directly to the city college’s Metrobank account and were used to build the first skyscraper in La Carlota City.

I checked on the graduates tab on the page and noticed the “staff box” hyperlink. There I see Roselyn Dorado, the chairman of the formation and networking committee of lacarlotacitycollege.net. Her staffers are researchers Mike Pabalate, Racel Esparagoza, Jinnah Grace Tamagos and Anna Liza Ortega. They are considered the researchers of researchers in the year 2017. They create links with other schools round the world to much better enhance the quality of education of our Alma Mater. They are also the people who track the current statuses of our batch mates.

Going back to the homepage, I am opening the internet radio, linked to My Only Radio 101.5 FM Bacolod. Just on time, I hear DJ’s Nicolas Roca and his partner Richard Canja inviting LCCC’s alumni to attend the homecoming on November 27, 2027.

In a while, somebody called up on air, it was Sprite Manangkil, asking if the homecoming is KKB (Kanya kanyang baon) or not. Sprite then is already one of the leading internship uniform designers round the Philippines.

Thrilled with my friends’ achievements and endeavours after 20 long years, it is inspiring me to search for the rest of the gang.

As I was skimming the web pages, there is this acoustic band in the advertisement page that caught my attention. I was shocked when I realized Julesis Abraham is already leading an acoustic band with Raffie Salazar as their soloist. Girls and gays scream to the max at their gigs. Besides, they have Cindy Cagayanan, Vinecar Cobilla and Juvy dela Cruz as their back up. Not back-up singers, but back-up dancers.

Then I proved my friends right. There are not just good in teaching, they are also superb on entertainment.

I clicked on the graduates tab of the website then opened the 40th batch link. There is a list of the graduates with their profiles and their current jobs and indulgences at the left side.

Unfortunately, the plane arrives at 10:30, so I got to turn off the computer and board the flight.

I was seated on E7. I was stunned when I saw Merly Roquero and Glaisa Geniebla on seats near front. Good thing, nobody seats beside them so I transferred for awhile to have somebody to talk to. There I learned that these two were working as teacher-volunteers in a remote area in South Thailand. But it is just temporary since they will be finishing their doctor’s degree in the Philippines and apply in their Alma Mater.

On the way, we keep a steady stream of conversation generously sprinkled with animated ejaculations and spontaneous peals of laughter. There is a series of do-you-remember stories about old jokes, parties, common friends and classmates. Before long, it is common knowledge that the Artist of the Year is Jien Omar Mendoza who is presently having his arts exhibited at Shangrila Hotel in Cebu City and gained distinction of his uniqueness. And he is now one of the master teachers in art in the school founded by Drs. Anthony Espanilla, Ryan Canja, Zyrus Leones and Belle Mar Layson, the officers of the Association of Aspiring Artists of the Philippines. Glaisa suggests that they’d better convince the four founders to give a part of their proceeds to Drs. Ysann Gel Genovis, Juliet Baliguat and Donna Mae Tubianosa who are rumoured to be the three missionary educators in Africa who have refused to reveal their identities.

Tumingin ka lang sa langit
Baka sakaling may masumpungan

Continuing the conversation, even though these friends are not with us now, we are feeling proud that they sacrifice a lot for their missions. I added that we also must be proud of Japhet Bermillo, Cyrel Belbar, Ma. Christina Toledo, Jay Hernaez, Sheryl Seligbon, Lenny Villasis, Syrose Rebuca, Ana Mae Pillado, April Joy Despi, Jennicer Sedayon, Daisy Ann Ojano, Celestine Joy Pedrosa and Ariel Gerolani for completing their requirements for the doctorate degrees in Hongkong.

Jenry Gico on the other hand, says Merly, was praised as he established the Literary and Arts Initiative Center with his romantic poems and paintings while having the proceeds donated to the Sakadas of Negros Occidental.

Glaisa, shares that he happened to know that Esther Hope Magbanua, Rosamy Occilada, Liezl Cabasag, May Rosh Arguelles, Sheila Mae Chavez, Shane Ann Tangile, Lorelyn Oroceo, Jeanalyn Larios, Frederick Quillain, Donniver Canja and Renjie Abellita at Dubai’s 7star hotel. He learned about that thru an e-mail from Aisa Joy Angeles, married to somebody rich and having a comfy life at his rest house in Tagaytay. Aisa said, they re having they’re having their international teachers’ convention there.

We’re now landing in Hongkong Int’l airport so have to go back to my seat.

I remember that I have a new issue of Times Magazine in my bag. I skim and saw this text in formal font styles with a bright red background with transparency and opacity fading to white. It is something from Ronnel Busayong, a young president of a private elementary in Wisconsin, USA, featured because of his pure friendship among his subordinates. But there is still a text on Times New Roman font at the bottom. He published his proposal for the girl he loved since college. I don’t know if I am sure if that’s the girl but it is something like “Liz”.

I missed something from the frontpage so I got back. I read the title of Ronnel’s article “Ron’s Friendship and Romance.” To my surprise, the one who interviewed and wrote about him is Mary Grace Ortega, now a staff writer of the internationally distributed magazine, Times.

The rest of the English Literature experts are being dispersed to the different vast regions of the world to write stories for the magazine.

Back to the air, we arrive at NAIA by 5:00 oclock in the afternoon. Bidding good bye to my friends because they all have to go somewhere, I told them about the homecoming and they were willing to cut their schedules.

I decided to stay at a hotel for the night. Inside, I see a poster telling there is a show at ballroom 2 of the hotel, tickets pegged at 200 pesos. I have nothing to do so I see watching the best option..

Just on time, I hear people applaud, and whistle. I am at daze when I see the performers had their production number, it is Precil Necesito, Florebee Corsino, Glaisa Geniebla, Vivian Decrepito, Rey Pacheco, Christopher Teodorico, Randy Cueva, Jetmar Arzaga, Jay-R Miraflor, Arian Almarie, Alex Naragdao, Reynaldo Obelidon and Oroncio Ulbida, Mary Jane and Naarah Michelle having the best of the best Literary musical performances with fight scenes. They are elite performers during the evening but master teachers during daylight.

The shows done, got to book for a flight to Bacolod on November 27, eat and sleep.

November 27, arriving at Bacolod, around 5 in the afternoon, I decided to get a taxi home to La Carlota City.

I went directly to the school and at the vast gate of my Alma Mater with large format photo streamers featuring the college’s 60th founding anniversary, I witnessed Isha Lasco’s crush became man enough to propose marriage at the busy renovated covered walk of La Carlota City College. It was romantic welcoming for me.

Every witness congratulated the two and Isha chose not to attend the alumni homecoming and told our folks that she will be preparing for her marriage.

Di kaya ako’y tawagin
Malalaman mong kahit kailan

I went straight to the publication office to grab a copy of the College Voice, the headline struck my eyes when I see Dr. J-O-Y Solomon’s name. She is now finishing her studies on integrating global quality training and discipline in the Education Course curriculum.

Then moving further to friendship hall where we will be having our first homecoming session, I was astonished upon seeing the vast hall. It is extended, walled with glass, fully air-conditioned with built-in LCD Projector and laptop and brand new sound system. It can already sit a thousand.

Coming in, I see batch 40 and welcoming us, is Dr. Bernadette Balani, now the President of the Alumni Association and the pioneering President of the La Carlota Metropolitan. As I go on my way to a vacant seat with the guffaw and hum of voices in my ears, I can’t help but think and feel amused at our being young again, at the sense of play and adventure that has engulfed us with youthful intensity upon seeing each other after good many years. There I learned that most of us are now doctors and masters of our chosen fields.

November 27, 2027, a clear and starry sky with cold breeze of the coming December is a perfect setting for a festive night. Sleek and flashy cars line the parking grounds in front of the JPRC. In the soft dim adoring light that illuminate the school park, a banner warmly greets all – WELCOME CLASS 2007!!!

The friendship hall is aquiver with life. Subdued lights, the décor – flowers balloons, buntings, -- give the room a mystic atmosphere inducing sentimental memories. The lilting music, the carefree laughter, the happy faces and sparkling eyes – everything that is reminiscent of our last college years is there. As I look into the smiling faces, eyes brimming with unbounded joy, I find myself as though by magic transformation, looking into the beaming faces of more than a hundred school youths of 20 years ago, as with high hopes and aspirations they raise to their lips the eternal song of friendship.

Hawak kamay
Di kita iiwan sa paglakbay
Dito sa mundong walang katiyakan
Hawak kamay
Di kita bibitawan sa paglalakbay
Sa mundo ng kawalan.

Why haven't i realized this earlier?

Kumusta po kayo?

Thanks po sa lahat na nag cmment sa mga nakaraang posts. Mas nararamdaman ko po na I am really blogging dahil sa interaction between you and sa mga posts ko and it really feels good.

You know, i slept late last night or i mean, just this morning at 2:00am. I was bothered with random thoughts that kept on bungling my mind and just made me twist and turn my up, side and down on my bed. There was the PBB fever where Wendy Valdez seemed to have this aura that pushed me to publish 3 posts about her in my friendster blog in just 2 days. The childhood memories and adolescent embarassing moments also went back to my poor self-esteem ditch. Also my father, who's history already. But there was this thought that popped up in my shell that really dimmed my eyes with tears.

For several times in my 20 years of living in this planet (il be 21 by October 1) i can still recall many unpleasant moments with my mom (well it's after the death of my pap). I mean, we had lots of arguments on principles, ideas, plans, some important, some baloney - mostly happened when I was still in college when we were talking about programs for the students (she's the student affairs head and I was a president of one organization). I often raised my voice in our quarrels as if I was right, often used biting remarks as if I was correct, used God damn it gestures as if I was superior and i know it all. But i witnessed, personally, that almost everything (if not completely) which she told me were all true, were all the right choices, were all the right verdicts.

I admit, it was just this morning when i realized that i have been so egotistic and self-centered, selfish to be exact and I never ever thought of my mother's part. What does she feel when I did that? How does she cope up with me being so stubborn? Where and from whom does she get her strength back mulling over the fact that father died and she's a single parent? I think i should be cursed! I know that being a single parent is freaking difficult and I am still doing it! Damn you Quincy!

Anyway, i know it doesn't end here. I still got a lot of chances because I believe my God is a God full of second chances.

Now, i'm just left with a question, why haven't i realized this earlier?

my Father's 6th Death Anniversary

"I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started and to where I stand right now."

Yesterday, June 16, 2007. It was tatay's 6th death anniversary.

Everything seemed normal. No retreats. No recollection of memories. No tears.

But i know, every member of the family stole sometime to bring back tatay in their thoughts, reflect and gather strength once again from his teachings, rebukes, discipline, his down to earth lifestyle and his brave principles to help us continue muddling through life ahead.

Recalling the time when i witnessed him suffering hard because of the excruciating pain he met upon stepping from a shriveled Santol tree branch and falling from about 25 - 30 feet high and slamming his body right sideway like bomb on our cemented pathwalk in front of the house and saw the people who held him up, i can't help but brim my eyes with tears.

After that fall, everything seemed to be so unexplainable - enigmatice to be exact. How our world crashed down to sudden pandemonium, how the people reacted with scare and sobs, how my younger brother broke out from his reserved and silent persona and clouted our wall and threw the plastic chairs in the sala banging the tv screen - all were darn confusing, a nightmare. I thought it was doomsday. Scary.

Much more when tita Daday (tatay's elder sister) arrived at our house at about 10PM and announced - Tatay died at early 40's, around 9PM of June 16, 2001, Riverside Hospital, Bacolod City.

Though our life blunted in color for a couple of weeks, and though my siblings and I were yet young, the hopes, our faith in God, our dreams are still there, intact, unstained with the blood tatay shed, leaving us, It is because we know and I know, that he died thinking of us - nanay, manong, panggoy and yan-yan.

I am also rest assured that right now, in heaven, he uses the pen of silver ink as he continues to write more literary pieces to express her intense emotions and to inspire, build more houses with his hammer of gold for protection and shelter and teach more students through his stick of garnet enjoying every moment of eternal life with the Saviour.

And now that i am already a graduate in college, striving to help lift my family spiritually and financially, I carry the lyrics of tatay's songs, the verses of his poems, and the scenes of his stories to be steadfast still on where i stand because of him and to finish what i have started through him.

Happy Father's Day tay.

My First Crush and our Billet-doux Writing History

If there would be few living homo sapiens in this dark world who surely had a great impact in my borrowed wonderful, colorful and beautiful life, one would be the girl who was my super-duper sumnambulistic crush back when we were still in Grade I. lol

My mother often made me remember what i told her when i got home one afternoon from school. She said that i was really persistent that the girl with the smooth fair cheeks, with pretty lips and a cute nose and nice straight hair was my crush and that i really insisted much more when she was telling me i just like her. "Yes nay, i like her, that means, she's my crush. ok? peace!" lol

Well, that girl i often call "'day" is artistic in nature, smart, can attract all honeybees with her sweetness and knows the best friendship strategies...well, except for one girl during elementary years. hehe i don't know what happened between them that time but i observed "'day" was really srewed with that white and tall lassie. I even witnessed and heard her backbite the "chinita" miss.

But, anyway, they're in good terms now. i don't think " 'day " would foster a warfreak personality get up. No. Not in trillion years.:)

Still, we were classmates reaching Grade IV and there started (as far as i can remember) one of the most phenomenal events that ever happened in my 20 years of living this life - EXCHANGING OF puppy, romantic, kept-to-the-limit LOVE LETTERS using a state of the art and priceless medium of delivery - her close friends, Vic-vic and later turned out to be Divine when we reached the last level in primary school.

" 'day " started this and there i learned i was also her crush. hahaha oh man!

I seemed really deeply, truly and madly (childishly) "in-love" reading her letters. It always made me wear big, wide smiles walking homebound. Only weird thing is, we didn't talk in person, we avoided each other. lol

Man! Funny those emotions of one elementary school cherub. lol

The top-secret personal events of my unintended innocence back then are still fresh as i recall the times when I was really excited to receive another letter from her and that i can respond again. While we got loads of assignments every night , my love letter writing delights always buzz in and that gave me all the urges to finish my response first before my homeworks. But honestly, i often ignored my assignments and just focus on the love letters. lol And hey, it wasn't that easy at all. I was at a loss of words with " 'day's " cool writing prowess and her choice of words and her conjugation of it (though in early age). Besides, indeed, i found it hard hiding myself in the room while i was writing my replies in a piece of note pad torn from my spring lecture notebook (i didn't have nicely textured fragrant paper pads for love letters that time.hehe)while i was doing my very best to keep it in wide book pages and be vigilant because if somebody would enter the room, i got to be alert to turn the pages of the book, covering what i was writing, and pretend i was reading. whew! i admit, i was sweating then. lol

These only ended when we were already in 1st or 2nd year high, i guess. It was my birthday and she gave me another letter (through a friend, still). This time, its not like the usual as a nice peace of paper oftenly folded they call "i love you" fold. It was wrapped, rectangular. I opened it at home and it was stunning, made me shake! lol It was the biggest love letter i have have ever received! It was the size of a Transcor Motors wall calendar. She wrote all her favorite songs and dedicated it to me. (romantic, isn't it? lol)

Bad thing, i never replied. I thought she was really questioning then. (sorry day...lol)

Later during high school i was thankful the puerile "avoiding game" ended and we enjoyed each other's company till high school grad - not as having a crush with each other but as friends. and she just became one of the best buds God gave. her influence, her friendship, her sweetness, her compassion, her love and her fear in God - all packed in one lovely lad. Thank God for her. Even though we were not in the same school in college. I can always recall the things she told me and the precious time we shared.

And the sad part of everything? she told me one day that her letters were stolen from her cabinet and all are gone. But i don't know if she already knew that her letters were also stolen from my cabinet too. Not with a homo sapien but with the darn termites! and all are gone.

Anyway, " 'day " (a nursing graduate at this time) and I just laugh over it everytime we talk about that billet-doux history.

A Girl Friend

Wednesday, 6 June, 2007

It wasn't in my billion, trillion thoughts that i am able to make addictive YM talks up to the wee hours of the morning since i learned how to use that state of the art global messenger. it only started when this girl friend from my darn stupid highschool years posted a bulletin that she has been often online for a week and is searching for somebody to talk to, whom she can lift up or piss off.

We knew each other during 1st year high school. yah, we just knew each other by name but, as far as i can remember, i didn't had good talks with her, didn't even give her good company until she left our class after 2nd year high. I admit, i was insensitive about my classmates' whereabouts that time so i didn't notice her graceful exit from our high school with a long mouthful name - doña hortencia salas benedicto national high school.

She told me she transferred coz primarily it seemed difficult for their family situation. besides, there was a petty crash in their clique and well, sought for other company.

but anyway, she's doin great now. she just graduated BS Biology at University of St. La Salle - Bacolod and she's grabbing a good chance in her life in _____________ this year trying to pursue ____________. (she told me not to tell anybody about it at this time. but i don't know why, he put the "medschool" experience in her blog. hmmm.. witch, try to be consistent. lol ;) )

I confess, I felt great having her spending about several hours talking with me. She shared what life has become, her experiences - on love and school and friendship, she shared advices, smiles and laughs. We also shared photos and (oh man!) i was amazed with how she has become as a woman. I mean physically. she bloomed so good. she's so charming and pretty and alluring (even though she's small, hehe sorry "witch" just strike the heart of the voodoo doll if you want me killed here..) - she's interesting to be specific.

I often wished for a life rewind coz of so many things i want to change in my childhood and adolescent life. But anyway, openly talking with my high school friends has always been a good source of relief from my freaking embarassments, insanity and absurdity back then. They tacitly remind me of how God sews lives to make it more colorful, strong, decent and beautiful.

I hope i can have a chance to talk to more of my classmates in high school. Even just in YM and even up until dawn.

thank God for this girl friend. I wish i can hug her tight when we meet. (can i witch?)

Epiphany (retold)

29-march-2007 18:52:42 I was on line checkin my profiles. I skimmed at motivateus.com and i came across a quote from Rocky Balboa, a world renown boxer, "it's not how you got hit but how you move on after getting hit." it made me recall my four years of struggle as a student of La Carlota City College. I was a student leader. Thus, I experienced being criticized, challenged and HIT in a sense, mind me, some did it on my face when i was in front of the population hosting the students' night. embarassing but got nothing to do but to just continue on my task.

lately, i received a text message. it was from a special person with whom friendship took a back seat for a few months. I plead guilty thinking it was my fault. The message read, "the ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. - Martin Luther.. congratz for being 1 of the ultimate men in the world. Ppol judge u by your actions but not your intentions. God knows your heart..hope we can restore the lost friendship."

I was struck with the word "LOST". how rude would i be if id just piss that friendship to the stinky pits.. so i replied saying it wasn't lost, just taking a nap. i thanked her for the quote from luther though i can't accept i am an ultimate man. am i?

20:11:29 I received her reply, "Thanks, likwise..im sorry coz nag attempt man q nga mag join sa ila, but honestly gin konxenxa gid ko coz indi q gid mahimo for a friend like you. na carried away lang gid ko. m sorry." obviously, it was a confession...what was she saying?
It was about the happenings during my final college days. I made many of my friends' and batch's hackles rise. One childhood pal told me in the lobby. "damo ga kontra sa imo noh?!" I didn't mind not knowing the exact reason because nobody told me so. was it because of my proposals? - well, they found it good and they approved it, what's makin them get the hell out of me..was it because of my projects? - hey, its for the school and our batch... or was it because of my distinctions? - m sorry but i worked for it...

These gave enigmas and made me darn confused, depressed, pissed!! but one thing i know is true. They were red hot mad at me.
i had the pre-graduation "what the hecks." i was down with flu due to sleeping late on seniors' retreats (i can't let it pass coz i need to take pictures for the yearbook), I missed our seniors' tea and our first commencement practice because of a rushed project. Skipped meals and went home late because of a photo packaging and finished just a few minutes before the processional march on ur graduation day. plus the freakin spices of some people who hated me at the start of the seniors' week. or maybe since first year. or i suppose, ever since high school days. what duh!! i can't please everyone, i know.. so i just let them grrrrr at me more..

But, gratefully, i surpassed. all was between me and my God who provided ever loyal and supportive friends who gave me strength and encouragement. I am nothing without them.
I never imagined my last year in the college to be that contentious. you may not really understand what had happened but it was very challenging on my part. how the pressure, mental and emotional tension honed me. i survived and its all worth it. am i brave? No. I am just a coward wanting to prove my worth.

It came to me in an epiphany that indeed, it was a great hanging experience. worth remembering until the very end of this borrowed life. it created antagonists. but i don't mean i hate them. i am a Christian in and out of the church, hence, i still have to abide in my Father's rule to love my enemy...above and beyond, these circumstances, events and these people didn't discourage me but challenged me. I was never affected with how they treated me. I told myself, I will hit them back when, finally, I will find my lost tear drop in the pacific vastness.

on the other side of the coin, it created true friends. and i thank all of them a lot.

now, il just continue doing my best while they are doing their worst..

that makes man ultimate..